dave_the_roman_ho's Xanga

shitty week

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 06:40:57 GMT

so this week i've made a late discovery about my body and how it works. currently this thought process is somewhere between a hypothesis and a theory. so while eating healthy and working out is a good thing and can make you feel wonderful, one without the other is no bueno.

i was on track for a week or so, eating good, working out, etc and things were kosher, i felt good, a lot better. but this week i've been working a lot of doubles and haven't had time to work out, so i've just been eating better, and it has sucked terribly! i've been a total asshole and exploded on more people than i can count (well i guess technically i could count them, so more people than i want to count or remember). that's not me, i'm a laid back jolly fellow, not some deraged time bomb ready to go off.

but i got to thinking and it totally makes sense (at least in my head). my eating better has consisted of cutting back on sugar and what my trainer calls "bad carbs" (pretty much anything but carbs from fruits and veggies, brown rice, and sweet potatoes). and the big one for me is i've been off of caffeine for exactly a week now, and only have a sprite every once in awhile. so i'm depriving my body of all these things it's been used to, i've probably had at least 1, usually 2, many times more, dr. peppers/cokes every day for the past 10 years or so of my life, maybe longer. that's a pretty hardcore caffeine addiction. and now all of a sudden i've had zero in 7 days. that's a pretty hardcore cold turkey. so when you add that to the stress of bills piling up and working non-stop with about 5 doubles or so in a week, and a bunch of other stuff i don't care to think about right now, it equals a disastrous mental frame of wellbeing. this would be where the aforementioned asshole-ness comes in. like i said it's not quite proven enough to be a theory at this point or not, but come this time next week i'll know better because i will have resumed working out and eating better for a week or so and will have tested my variable to see if mood/mental wellbeing improves.

i just think it's weird how the body works. first of all the ruts and random habitual things our body gets used to, anything can be an addiction. but second, the whole generally masochistic system. you feed your body good things, but it's not happy with just that. you have to feed it well and torture it for it to be balanced and happy. that's all working out is. we build muscle basically by the cycle of ripping the muscle and growing scar tissue on top of it and doing it over and over again. that's a healthy body, an ideal scenario. sounds pretty torturous to me. i would even go so far as to say the masochistic act of working out is the primary action, the good food is fuel for that action. we work out, burning calories, ripping muscle, blah blah blah, then the food we eat nurtures that action and helps the body heal during our sleep (burning more calories) so it can repeat the whole process again.

this whole idea is very against my nature and almost doesn't seem right to me. so if something as central as the healthy and productive functioning of my own body seems so unnatural to me, then what other central mechanics to this thing called life have i overlooked or ignored just because they are forgotten and foreign to the current rut i have been trudging along in? i don't mean rut like down and out, i mean a rut to be any system of habitual acts we have grown accustomed to and perform without thought on a daily basis. that seems to be the worst kind of rut to me. it's a sorry excuse for a life. if ever my life becomes a series of mindless habits i am dependent on for my peaceful survival, then something is wrong and someone should slap me. i think i had some point i was trying to make, but i've forgotten and i'm too tired to re-read this whole thing just to try and figure it out. so maybe something in there made sense. goodnight everyone!

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 07:33:02 GMT

memory aid for my future self.

i love it when music affects me on a deep level, like really does something to me, fucks me up emotionally, mentally, spiritually, all of the above.
i love the precise feeling of deja vu you get when you hear a song you haven't listened to in years. so many of my past favorite songs or artists or albums take me to such distinct places in my memory. the other day i was on myspace, of all places, and i heard a song from about 10 years ago that i haven't listened to in probably 5 years or more. it hit me like a ton of bricks. it sounds cheesy, but i was on the point of tears from the emotion of it and i don't even know specifically why, mourning the loss of so many past lives and friends that are nothing more than fading memories now, moved by the chaotic beauty of our collective experiences as created by the turns and detours of our path as we stumble through this thing called life, perhaps both, or neither, i dunno. the song took me to a distinct place and time--late at night on a mexican bus coming home from one of my many extended stays in mexico, i used to put this song on repeat to lull me asleep in the uncomfortable bumpy ride back home--but there was no real connection to anything more specific, not a friend, or an ex, or an event, etc. i thought it unusual to be so moved by something as general as 'my life in mexico.'
it all just makes me feel old that i've experienced and been through so much and gone through so many vast changes in life. and a bit remorseful that there are so many moments tucked away in my subconscious mind, so many beautiful things that i've basically forgotten that can only be remembered by the random coincidence of some outside force, such as an old song, triggering them.
maybe that makes sense.... if not fuck it, this is only me deliberately setting a trigger for me to trip over in retrospective at some random point in the future--a memory aid for my future self.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 21:06:29 GMT

ME QUERIDA MEXICO!! COMO TE EXTRAÑE....

Monday, November 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 04:37:28 GMT

i'm sad xanga is dead. it was always my favorite. i was fearless here. i could rant or spill about anything, and for some reason i can't seem to be as unfiltered and brutally honest elsewhere. i don't blog much on myspace cuz no one would read it, and i don't blog much on facebook cuz too many people would read it. i dunno. maybe i'm just weird and should get over it. either way i'm mourning the death of xanga. i hope for it's revival. i'll never shut down my page because of all the great entries and comments tucked away here. well, goodnight.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 20:55:51 GMT

my laptop had to go away for awhile. she's undergoing surgery. she's getting a new heart. the doctors say she'll be back and as good as new in a week or two. i miss her sitting on my lap while i pushed her buttons. i miss her sitting on my desk with her bright smile that lit up the room as she told me about the latest gossip or what my friends were up to. i miss listening to music with her, and the time we spent together just relaxing--watching movies, playing games, looking at pictures, etc. i've been hanging out--listening to music, playing games, etc--with iPod, her younger cousin, but it's just not the same. come back my dear, my room just doesn't have the same glow without you...

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 06:42:42 GMT

i wonder how many posts i'll have to make before someone comments, upon realizing that i'm back, apologize for my absence, and trying to be better and more consistent--though xangaland is quickly deteriorating into oblivion.

Bring out the resuscitation paddles!!!

Is it pathetic that I have things of substance to say but find myself not able to post them because I'm afraid they'll go unread and thus be wasted? Is that egotistical? I find it strange that the closest thing I have to my own personal diary has become dependent on others... Hooray for the internet once again stipping us of our privacy. This time the death of private diaries/journals. ha. (yes those last 2 sentences were sarcastically melodramatic--just in case you're a bit rusty on the interpretation of the sharp bitterness of my written sarcasm).

good-night, xangalanders. I miss you all...

Friday, February 09, 2007

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 06:37:55 GMT

(the last few stanzas are the best!)

State of the Union
David Ford

Sweet dreams, all met with derision
This train, it was armed for collision
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame

Clap your hands in the sparkle and glitter
Shake your heads at the twisted and bitter
Oh, they don't know how lucky they are

Foot down for the alienation
Look on as your love, it gets lost in translation
To a language that nobody understands

But there are smiles as they erode and corrupt you
Of the great expectations you could never live up to
We are lost, we are lost, we are lost

Get you coat, because the righteous are leaving
Because they can't work out what the hell to believe in
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame

No abandon, no heartfelt desire
No love could be worth getting fired
For real, it's surreal, it's so real

So paint over the cracks and then cover
What you thought was the worst-ever pain with another
And the first one, it always comes free

How they love you, so cold and so vicious
With friends like these, well, who needs politicians
The first one, it always comes free
They tell you heroin takes like ice cream

Clever men know all that and all this
And they will talk and they will talk and they don't fucking listen
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame

It's no life, but God, it's a living
Come on, Jesus Christ, come back, all is forgiven
We are lost, we are lost, we are lost

Have no fear of the state of the nation
Let the facts have no bearing on public relations
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame

What a model of Christian behaviour
Preach on with the message of "Go fuck thy neighbour"
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame
A shame, it's a shame

Watch your step by the crowd of fanatics
While they kill in the name of applied mathematics
And you hate the system even though you invented it
Go kill your brothers and claim self defense of it
Picking up all the secrets and the tricks to being
One of the guys whom the shit never sticks to
Take your seats for the final calamity
Don't you look so serious, hell, what can the matter be?
Another day and the rot's getting faster
And all the machines started killing their master
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame

Monday, February 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 04:09:40 GMT

clean room = procrastination

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 05:46:18 GMT

oh xangaland. how i have neglected thee...

Monday, November 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 07:40:55 GMT

wow, it has been quite some time since i've written. probably one of my longest breaks ever. the quarter is over and i'm on thanksgiving break now, so that is very nice. most of my free time is being used getting caught up on rest and throwing pots. i will probably make about $400 this christmas making pottery stuff for christmas presents, so that is very awesome. i'm looking forward to eating a lot thursday and then starting school again monday. it'll be nice to have a fresh start. these are my classes!

- history of modern art
- art senior seminar: studio painting
- creative writing advanced fiction
- Special topic: Lord of the Rings
- private voice lesson (with Roewe)
- private cello lesson

woo hoo! i'm to the fun part of my degree, and even have some extra time for extra classes for the hell of it (i.e. LOTR, voice, cello, pretty much all of them!)

so i was in blockbuster tonight and saw the cover for the john tucker must die movie. first of all, when the movie first came out it freaked me out cuz that's my dad's real name, my papaw's name, and my lil bro's middle name. but then tonight i see the cover and the first thing you see are two words in the title in huge red letters, these two words are: TUCKER DIE. that makes me a little wierd and a wee bit uneasy. i'm not sure i'm comfortable with the negative connotations that are being associated with my surname...... if anyone in my family dies within the next month, i'm suing!